Wow, what a tough year we’ve all had so far, hey?
I’m sure like me, it all started out with the potential of this being the best year yet, watching all those things we manifested come into fruition. But 3 months in, everything came to an abrupt halt.
Holidays were cancelled, gyms closed and life as we knew it quickly diminished.
Writing this makes me feel so vulnerable, and I was debating on whether to post it, as I don’t want this to seem ‘all about me’, but in this age of sharing, you never know who may be able to relate. Although I’m dealing with my own stuff, I am here for you if you need it too!
Throughout lockdown I’ve been dealing with the passing of my grandma, splitting up with my boyfriend, the passing of my uncle and some pretty like changing stuff from 2019. Along with the uncertainty of my income as a self employed person, living alone.
It’s really taken its toll on me. Not being able to readily do all the things that you may have done in order to ‘take your mind off everything’ or get the help, or connection that you really want.
Some days I’m fine and super productive, other days I’m questioning why and what the fuck am I doing.
I’ve got some amazing friends and family who have been there to lend an ear on the phone, a walk in the park, lunch date, or ready to receive a 25 minute Whatsapp voice note haha!
But at the end of the day, it’s you who needs to do the work. Other people can help you, guide you, but only you can help yourself.
As we head into winter, my least favourite time of the year, where I’m usually planning to leave the country and spend a few months in the sunshine, this year I’m setting up to do it alone, and not just with the lack of a partner, but with the prospect of little to no friends and family gatherings.
The one thing I love most in the world is to travel. Many times I have left the UK to explore, learn more about yoga, meet new people, learn more about myself and yes, I’ll admit seeking refuge from my problems. Now, with the prospect of having to self isolate upon return from another country, it has forced me to stay put. I’m just not sure if I could get through 2 weeks of self-isolation in my cozy city centre apartment.
So I’ve been forced to sit with my emotions, instead of running away. And it’s been a hell of a messy journey!
Healing IS messy.
And with the prospect of a 2nd lockdown, it brings anxiety, triggers, and feelings of not wanting to be alone.
Although I’m in a much better space now, there is still work to be done. Yoga, spirituality, and self-care has never been so important to me, learning over and over again, that “with each step we take toward the light, the Universe rejoices. When we let go of our suffering, we participate in the salvation of all living beings”. (Meditations from the Mat. By Rolf Gates & Katrina Kenison)
This year has been hard for us all, big, little or small, we have all been affected and we all need healing.
But instead of focussing on ‘2020 being the year everything was ruined etc‘, let’s try and focus on 2020 being the year of GROWTH. Perhaps the growth we didn’t intend on having, but hey, life throws us these challenges when we least expect them, right?
I saw this beautiful quote in this book I’m reading, “Every blade of grass has it’s angel that bends over it and whispers, ‘Grow, grow’.” – The Talmud.
Once in a while, try to sit with yourself, experience your emotions without bottling them up, speak up when you need to, cry, scream, laugh, sing at the top of your lungs, don’t hold onto your emotions, don’t let them get stuck in your body. It’s all part of your healing and growth.
Sometimes we have to go through the dark, challenging times, to flourish and come out the other side, and into the light. Send some love to those angels whispering ‘grow’.
I am sending you all the love through this strange, strange time, and I hope you are doing OK. Remember to take care of yourself!
Are you struggling to find some much-needed healing time for yourself? Check out The Soul Space and see how it can help you to find some much needed ‘me’ time.